


The Birds and the Beasts

by Jonathan Riley (jj_minerva)



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-21
Updated: 2010-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-12 19:29:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jj_minerva/pseuds/Jonathan%20Riley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally written in July 1999. Revised 2009</p>
    </blockquote>





	The Birds and the Beasts

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in July 1999. Revised 2009

The Birds and The Beasts

By Jonathan Riley

Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower stood nervously at Captain Pellew's door while he straightened his jacket, smoothed down his unruly curls and waited for the marine sentry to announce his presence.

"Come!" came the gruff reply from the other side. The stony faced marine swung the door open and, taking a deep breath, Horatio stepped inside.

Captain Edward Pellew was seated, intently examining a map on the desk in front of him. He looked up, heavy brows knitted together, lips pursed. Pellew was secretly pleased to see the young Lieutenant, but such a show of affection would be out of place. He settled for a frown and said, "Yes Mr Hornblower?"

"Sir, if I may impose on you, I am in need of some advice," Horatio began uneasily, hoping that Pellew would not detect his nervousness.

"Go on Mr. Hornblower," Pellew watched in fascination as Horatio nervously licked his lips, cast his eyes to the heavens and continued.

"I caught Seaman Styles with a chicken, sir"

"Was he pilfering the chicken?" Pellew growled out.

Horatio blinked, rolled his dark eyes around a little more as he considered his words before answering. "No, that's not quite how I would describe it sir."

"Well then what was he doing, Mr. Hornblower, I haven't got all day, man!"

Horatio sucked his top lip in for a moment. "He was … fucking it sir," he blurted out, a slow blush rising from his neck.

It was Captain Pellew's turn to blink. "What did you say, Mr. Hornblower?" he asked in disbelief. Not because he doubted that a seaman would do such a thing but because he had never thought to hear the innocent young lieutenant utter such a word. Sometimes, late at night when sleep eluded him, he'd imagine a different set of circumstances that led to Mr. Hornblower gasping out just such a word, followed closely by 'me' but Pellew knew such fantasies were best kept for the dark.

"I said Seaman Styles was fucking the chicken, sir," Horatio said again, batting his long dark lashes, hoping desperately that Captain Pellew wouldn't ask for any more details. He was trying very hard to put the whole scene out of his mind.

"I see," said Pellew taking a deep breath before he continued. "Well what is the problem Mr. Hornblower? The Articles of War are quite clear about the punishment for such matters." He cleared his throat and quoted, "if any person in the fleet shall commit the unnatural and detestable sin of buggery or sodomy with man or beast, he shall be punished with death. This is no time to be indecisive, Mr. Hornblower!"

Long fingers came up to brush strands of dark hair from the suntanned face. "But that is the problem, sir. A chicken is a fowl and as such should be considered a bird, not a beast. I am unsure if the Articles of War covers birds. I thought, perhaps they meant the four-legged type of beast." Horatio paused, swallowed, took in Pellew's stunned expression and pressed on. "And then of course there is the matter of whether it was buggery or sodomy. I really don't know the correct term for what he was doing to that chicken. You see sir, I have no experience with such matters. Are they the same or are they different?"

"Oh my," Captain Pellew stood, crossed to a small sideboard and took out two glasses and a bottle of brandy. He poured himself one, swallowed it, poured another and then turned back to the Lieutenant.

"Could I offer you a brandy, Mr. Hornblower?" he asked a little breathlessly.

"No thank you, Captain, it is a little early for me," Horatio replied, remembering that the sun had not long risen over the horizon. It was unlike Captain Pellew to drink so early in the day but perhaps he too, was worried about the fate of one of his crewmen.

Captain Pellew drank down the second brandy and looked back to the innocent brown eyes waiting for his reply.

"I can understand your concerns Mr. Hornblower, they are very...noble. I agree that the Articles of War are probably directed at beasts rather than birds. After all, if one takes milk in one's tea then one would like to think that the ship's goat has been spared the unwanted advances of the ships crew, although I do recall a case where they hung a fellow for just that sort of thing."

Horatio's eyes became wider as the Captain's words conjured up pictures in his mind. A goat? Surely not! Perhaps he should have kept a closer watch on the men when he was captaining the Caroline. They did seem uncommonly eager to volunteer to clean out the cattle stalls!

"I understand Styles' frustration, we have been at sea a long time without the company of women," Captain Pellew murmured, watching the shock register on Horatio's face, while his own thoughts conjured up visions of the young Lieutenant's eyes wide and lashes blinking from something entirely different.

"The company of what, Sir?" Horatio asked, realising his Captain had spoken again. He was still trying hard to banish pictures of orgies in the cattle stalls from his imagination.

"Women Mr. Hornblower. You do remember them, don't you?"

"Not really, sir. That is to say I didn't know them in the first place…er...their company that is...their company." Horatio licked his lips and wondered why the mention of women always made him so flustered. He never felt that way around men.

"I see," Pellew replied making a few more mental notes about the young man in front of him.

"So what should I do, Sir?"

Pellew blinked, thought about what he'd like to tell Horatio to do and quickly thrust that thought aside. The young man was asking for his help and as Captain it was his place to offer advice his Officers.

"In this case, I think a show of leniency would not be out of place. You should give Styles a firm warning and then offer him some advice as to the more ...acceptable ways ...of dealing with ones...urges." Pellew moved his hand around a little hoping Horatio would understand the gesture.

"Oh yes, of course." A wide smile graced the full red lips. "I could suggest he find someone to ...give him a hand...so to speak." Perhaps there was no need to be embarrassed about talking to the Captain about this after all. He seemed to know something about the matter.

"Someone? You mean someone else?" Pellew asked, his voice rising slightly. Maybe it was time for more brandy.

"Why yes, sir, that was what you meant, wasn't it? A friend to help him out? It is more fun that way. That's what Archie always says."

Yes, it was definitely time for more brandy Pellew decided and crossed back to the sideboard. "Ah well, yes, I suppose that would be acceptable." Was it suddenly getting hot in the cabin?

"Lips, tongue and mouth can be quite good too," Horatio continued with a smile. Pellew splashed brandy everywhere. "What?" he asked, shocked.

"Archie...Mr. Kennedy, spent quite a bit of time around the theatres in Drury Lane when he was younger and he's shown me the most amazing things! The Articles of War don't mention any of them!"

Pellew crossed quickly back to his desk and sat down, heavily. "I'm sure they don't, Mr Hornblower!" Perhaps Horatio was not quite as innocent as he seemed. "It might be better, though, if you didn't mention these things to Styles. You wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. After all, you are a Lieutenant and you do have a... ahem... position...ahem to uphold."

That lovely blush was back again. "Of course, Captain. I understand."

"Now I think the idea would be to give Styles a warning, make sure the chickens are securely locked up, dispose of the poor unfortunate bird over the side while no one is looking and try to forget this whole incident." Pellew doubted he would forget it for a very long time.

There was a worried look on Horatio's face. "Well there is a slight problem, sir. You see, this happened yesterday and the chicken is gone."

"Gone? Gone where?"

"It was the cook, sir, he had sent Styles to get a chicken and seeing as how the poor bird was a little the worse for wear, he wrung its neck and served it up for your dinner last night."

Too much brandy too early in the morning; that must be the reason Captain Pellew dashed from the cabin, Horatio told himself as he followed his Captain up onto the deck of the Indy and watched as he vomited over the side.

"Are you all right Sir?" he asked after a decent interval. Pellew looked very pale.

"And I thought Cook was just trying out some new seasonings," Pellew muttered, wiping his mouth and silently vowing never to eat chicken again.

"I'm sorry Captain, this is my fault. I simply did not know how to handle the situation. Here, let me help you." Horatio took Pellew's arm as they made their way back to his cabin.

"Mr. Hornblower, you should view this as a learning experience," Pellew said good naturedly. Any anger he felt had been lost the moment Horatio touched his arm. If only he could find a way to keep the firm hand there a little longer. "When you get your own command you will have to deal with all types of problems amongst the officers and crew. It's best to find out now about such things."

Horatio sighed deeply and looked at Pellew. He fluttered his eyelashes and bit his lip. "But there is still one thing that I need to know, sir," he said softly, leaning a little closer.

"And what is that, Mr. Hornblower?" Captain Pellew asked cautiously.

"The difference between buggery and sodomy, sir? I really have no idea."

There comes a time when a Captain has to stop talking and lead by example, to take charge of a situation and teach his officers all he knew about seamanship by action rather than words.

"You'd better close the door Mr. Hornblower," Pellew said sternly. "This may take some time."

The End.


End file.
